FOOD REVIEW: Grandpa Eddie's Alabama Ribs & BBQ, Richmond, VA

I've had the pleasure of meeting the owner of Grandpa Eddie's Alabama Ribs & BBQ, Carey Friedman, a couple of times, and he's a genuinely good guy - which makes it kind of difficult to really speak my mind about his food. However, this is food journalism, and I've never been one to filter my mouth on anything, so here it goes.

I dined at Gpa Eddie's a few months ago and I remember the food being dynamite. I was also pretty shitfaced and shoveling things in my mouth faster than Monica Lewinsky in a room full of politicians (heyooo!). I remember the atmosphere was predominantly family-oriented and the band that night played an excellent cover of Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" (which I have an extreme affinity for). However, when I ordered some to-go the other day for my family's dinner I was curious as to how my fellow food-goers felt about the place and perused some online reviews while waiting. I was shocked to read a bunch of (what I thought at the time) bullshit complaints and basically a lot of one-starred ratings where I was sure, as I assume all the time, people were just being moronic.

Long story short, I ordered a half-pound of pork barbecue, half-pound of beef brisket, and a half-pound of chicken barbecue, with sides of baked beans, cornbread and coleslaw. This was accompanied with a side of their barbecue sauce.

Now, I don't eat red meat, however I will try it for the sake of trying things once... and doing a food review. Lets start with the beef brisket.

All I can say is: Meh. It was unceremoniously bunched up in a styrofoam box with a side of Gpa Eddie's "barbecue" sauce which, I must say, tasted like very spicy marinara sauce. It was also relatively dry. As far as the chicken barbecue goes, it was more like cubed bits of the remainder parts of the chicken, and was swimming in grease. The flavor was unappealing; it was overpowering, soaked in vinegar, salty, too spicy and just all around inedible. I actually stopped eating my sandwich about 2 bites in and I never do that.

The pulled pork was okay in that it wasn't as overbearingly spicy or salty as the rest of the meat, AND it was actually pulled, however this wasn't something I'd call home about. To top it off, the coleslaw was grey. Yeah, grey. Taste-wise it was pretty sweet and was the only thing you could put in your mouth to ease the backfire of what must have been that barbecue's "flavor". As far as the corn muffins go, they were little mini ones that tasted like they had either been sitting out far too long or had just been bought from Food Lion... days ago.

I think the worst was the beans. As soon as I spooned a bite into my mouth I had the distinct taste of metal on my palate. Optimistically, I thought maybe it was my spoon, so I switched utensils. Still metallic. I ate it with bread. Guess what - still metallic.

Overall, everything was bad enough that I will never order from there again. I thought maybe I was getting a sufficient amount of food for the grand total of $27.00, especially since the bartender threw in the cornbread for free, but now that I'm looking at everything I feel like I wasted my money. Seriously.

Now, in order to be a truly understanding and open-minded foodie, I believe one should have perspective on the foods they are consuming in order to properly form an opinion. So, I did a little research. I thought, "Hey, maybe since this is Alabama barbecue I'm just being particular and should appreciate the style that it's made in. Maybe in Alabama, their beans are made from nickel and their chicken is soaked in habaneros." After 30 minutes of staggering research, here's what was concluded:

In the south, different regions are known for their different flavors of barbecue. Barbecue originated in the US on the east coast and as its popularity migrated West, the style of preparation was altered according to the availability of ingredients. In brief:

North Carolina: peppery and vinegar-based (popular with hush puppies, a possible food migrant from the coast)
Western North Carolina: rich, still maintaining the vinegar-base and laden with tomatoes (eaten with bread and Brunswick stew)
South Carolina and Georgia: doused in a yellow mustard-based sauce (in much of South Carolina, barbecue is served alongside light bread, coleslaw, and "hash" with rice... hash is made of stewed organ meats, yum)
Tennessee: sweeter, tomato-based and seasoned with molasses
Arkansas: varying types because it's a border state
Alabama: tomato-based, spicier than Tennessee although still maintaining sweetness (variations include a "white sauce" which is mayonnaise-based, barbecue cooked with pecans, and barbecue simmered in apple cider)

However, please note, much variation does exist within these regions due to establishments' and families' alterations over time.

So in conclusion, I still did not feel like Gpa's matched up with what I would define as "good barbecue". It's almost as if it was trying to be a North Carolinian barbecue with the spice of Alabama, but failed and just had too much going on. I've heard the wings there are alright but I'd just rather go to Bdub's or Quaker Steak and Lube for some guaranteed deliciousness.

CONS: Unsatisfactory, repugnant flavors, poor food quality
PROS: It'll get your bowels moving.